Poor Little Girl Discovers Cupcakes and the Elliptical

School is still going good for all of those people who may be concerned but I would like to discuss my new discoveries.

Here in Wilmington we have two main cupcakes bakers, Coastal Cupcakes on Princess St. and Hot Pink Ckae Stand on Market St. These two bakers are competitors that are just blocks away from each other and Michael and I decided to try both of these and essentially write a review.

The two cupcakes we tried from Coastal Cupcake were Coconut Cream and Oreo Cheesecake. The Coconut Cream had a yellow cake made with coconut milk and a buttercream frosting with coconut milk and coconut strands on top. Michael and I found the cake itself it be a little a dry, but certainly still delicious. The frosting on this cupcake was by far simply amazing; it was creamy (silky) and tasty...I can't imagine any better frosting! The Oreo Cheesecake was by far the better of the two. It had a base of oreo crumbles, a chocolate cake base injected with with a cheesecake filling and topped with a creamcheese/oreo frosting. This was overall delicious and had that nice cheesecake surprise! All the flavors blended so deliciously together. The inside of the cake was very moist, but just like with the first cupcake the outside was a little dry.

Hot Pink Cakestand provided us with a vegan Mint Chocolate and a Snikers cupcake. The Mint Chocolate had a beautiful mint green frosting whose base was buttercream; however the frosting was dry and thick and literally was rather crunchy on the outside. The cake itself was delicious; it was very moist but just chocolate flavored with no mint. The Snikers cupcake was a chocolate cupcake with a mini-Snikers bar inside with a heavy whipped cream dollop, caramel syrup, and two honey-roasted peanuts. Once again the cake was very moist and the whipped cream and caramel topping was a good light contrast to the heaviness of the cake. The Snikers bar however, sunk to the bottom and thus caused it to stick to the paper and was a good idea but executed poorily.

Overall both bakers had good items to offer, but if you are looking for a upscale but relaxing atmosphere to get a true "gourmet bakery" experience, then look to the new kid on the block Hot Pink Cake Stand. Their owner as a former interior designer set up a beautiful shop with room for customers to sit at tables or at the bar in order to enjoy these cupcakes. Coastal Cupcake was founded by two business majors and their shop lacks the same atmosphere as Hot Pink nor does it have a place to sit down. Though Hot Pink cupcakes are a dollar and twenty-five cent more than their competitors I would have to say the experience was worth the extra price. In summation we need real cupcake bakers who went school for that shit...so we can get true gourmet cupcakes from bakers not just people who failed at other careers.

In order to burn off these calories I went to the university gym and discovered the wonders of the elliptical, which is a machine that essentially is a running cardio workout that doesn't cause impact on your joints. It was so much fun that I ran about 5 miles and hour for nearly 2 1/2 miles, by the way the machine keeps up with all these numbers. Also what is nice is that it provides your heartrate and the numbers of calories burned. I find that I can able to run fast and for a longer period of time because my knees, ankles, and hips are not take the force of me running on concrete. I can't wait to get in there tomorrow and do it again! If there are any with a gym membership check out these machines, they are tons of fun!

Holly

Last Day of Break

Michael and I had a nice walk in the park and a very long and not so nice discussion about my overall health and happiness. Since coming to UNCW I have become more than a little unhealthy, as most freshman do, and I have become less than happy and confident in the way I look. I also have degraded socially, I have no friends here at UNCW outside of Michael and this really limits me. I don't go out to movies, club events, athletic games, or night clubs, and I really just spend time with myself alone or with Michael.

Michael and I talked about ways to solve these issues in my life and I have decided that I am going to step up my exercise routine to a mile and a half run three to four days a week. This should help me get back into the shape that I can walk around this confidence and self-esteem. We also talked about therapy to help me with my social anxiety but also my Autism. I am considered a person with high-functioning Autism, in other words I am intelligent and I am able to do many things like a normal person despite my set backs. However, because I am high-functioning there are not as many opportunities for therapy since it not seen as a major issue; not to mention even if there was therapy in my community it would be beyond my budget. Hopefully this is something that I can look into more when I get out of college and have more money.

Tomorrow, I have to get back to school and so this means back to stress. Also tomorrow I go to set up my schedule for school this summer and fall. Hopefully, I will have enough money to not have to work, but I don't think that I will have that luxury.

Keep me in mind as I go back to school; wish me luck for the remainder of this semester!

Holly

Spring Break Run Down

My spring break was certainly not spent in a tropic location or in a night club, but it was fun and relaxing none the less. I went to Myrtle Beach to go to Buffet's Margaritaville the first weekend with a few of my friends and roommate, though by the end of the weekend I was more than a little frustrated with all of these people in my apartment.

Monday and Tuesday I hung around Wilmington, did house work and also went to see an Irish folk band, Danu (highly recommended!). Tuesday night, Michael and I went to visit my family that lives in New Bern. Since I have left for college my father has entered the adult psychiatric ward at the local hospital, then into a rehab facility and now into a daily therapy program and AA. My father was on the verge of losing his job because he could no longer remember anything! He now lives with his ex-wife and her husband (my mother and step-father) because he is literally incapable of taking care of himself. He has been out of work for two months and this is causing much financial and emotional strife on all of my family.

Long story short, this was the situation into which Michael and I spent several days of spring break. The first day Michael and I spent the whole day out on the local beaches searching for algae. We had a very nice time together and got lots of specimens. Thursday Michael and I toured the local historical site, Tryon Palace the colonial capital of North Carolina. We enjoyed commenting on all of unique and beautiful architecture. Friday, we visited both sets of my grandparents and then we came home and went to the laboratory to press and identify our algae specimens.

Throughout our time visiting my parents, I got to see my niece and nephew as well as my little sister. Michael, my dad, and my mom all shared a birthday party. We suffered through some emotional ups-and-downs, but throughout our visit we genuinely had a good time together and I am glad that I went.

This last weekend will be relatively uneventful; I plan on making pumpkin pie, corn chowder, and maybe a few other items to wrap up Michael's birthday celebrations. Maybe rent a couple of movies, go to the beach, and take some walks in the park to finish out spring break.

Not ready for the end of break!

Holly

Frustrations

The first day of Spring Break me, Michael, and our friends, David and Ruth went to Margaritaville in Mrytle Beach, SC for Michael's 33rd birthday. David and I have been friends since high school and we get along great. Ruth and Michael have lived with each other for about six years; Ruth is Michael's late wife's sister and so they have been through alot together.

When I started dating Michael, I knew that he loved Ruth. Ruth is asexual and sees Michael as a brother; however, I knew that Michael was emotionally in love and physically wanted to be with her. Now I know that he still has that urge but has come to accept that Ruth is only ever going to see him as a brother. One thing that I also notice, and whether this is Ruth trying to please her older brother or just coincidence, but Ruth and Michael agree on everything, they like the same things, they think the same way, they are almost the same person.

This bothers me a little, because I know that Ruth and Michael will always be best friends, that they will always give each other back rubs/foot massages, will always agree on everything, and will generally always love each other. I know that I am jealous, even though Ruth is overtly sweet and kind to me and will show no real physical interest in Michael ever, but I just don't know how to deal with it. Another thing that really annoys me about Ruth other than the fact that no matter what Michael says or does she laughs and/or agrees with (like she is flirting with him), is that she steals. She takes things from stores but gets pissed at other people when they take the same things from her, as if she has any real claim to them. It makes me so mad...perhaps just compounding frustrations. Also Michael talks as if Ruth can do no wrong, she cooks better than me, she is more confident than me, she is stronger than me, she has been through more hardships than me, she is more of a woman than me, Ruth Ruth Ruth. It really irks me for some reason.

I would really like some advice about what to do in this situation. Should I just get over it? Should I talk to Michael? I know that I need to be prepared for Ruth to live with his next year....so I need to handle this situation before I blow up at her. I also just needed to get this off my chest, so that I can enjoy the rest of my Spring Break.

Holly

Mid-terms Are Finally Over!

Like most students I procrastinate when I write essays, begin projects, do homework, or study for exams. My English teacher once told me it was because I was afraid of failure, even though I am an A student. Well for the first time since I have started here at UNCW, I finally did poorly on my mid-term in Chemistry and in Environmental Geology because I put off studying. I kept trying to tell myself that I was ready even though I wasn't and so ultimately I didn't do well.

I was so angry after the exam. I couldn't believe that I did that too myself. I caused myself to fail. Hopefully looking forward I will do better and not put things off until the last minute.

Thanks for letting me release my frustrations...now I can enjoy my Spring Break!

Holly

Yummy

I finally made some decent food. It seems like it has been more than a month since I have made some really good food here at the apartment. Tonight I made keilbasa with caramelized onion, cabbage, and rice. For dessert I made a pumpkin cupcake with swirls of coco fudge topped with a pumpkin-spice cream cheese frosting. I know that it all sounds really odd, but trust me...it was delicious, especially compared with the over salted vegetable soup I made the other night.

If anyone has good recipes that I should try certainly let me know and if anyone is in the neighborhood (Wilmington, NC) then they should definitely let me know I will try to make some good food! I love to entertain and make people happy with food...I know that is why we are all obese.

One more week until mid-terms and I still have plenty to do; so my weekend will be mostly devoted to study and papers. Perhaps, I will go to the park and do some studying outside! Everyone have a good weekend.

Holly

Money

I am feeling a little depressed lately, but this is just about money. I really want to take classes in the summer, but I am afraid that if I don't get a job, then I won't have money to live here in Wilmington during the summer. I am also worried that next year I will have to borrow money from my parents next semester. I worry that if I try to work and go to school, then my grades will suffer or that I will spread myself too thin. I am also upset that because the school doesn't offer the courses that I need but once a year, that instead of graduating next summer it will be not this fall but the following at least before I can graduate. This means more money that I don't have.

This is one of the blessings of having a few friends with whom I can correspond with. I was able to fully discover these frustrations and get these feelings out in a email and it truly helped me release my anger and move on with life. I understand that these same issues with money and finances are things that everyone has, especially in this economy, and that more than likely I will be facing these same frustrations for the rest of my life. I pray that I will be able to at least afford an education!

So I have finally failed my first quiz in my college career; however, it will be dropped at the end of the semester, because hopefully it will be my lowest grade. This week I have several things going on, three mid-terms and one quiz, thusly I will be very busy and may not have the time to post as much as I like.

Other things of interest that have occurred, Michael and I went to Safe Zone Ally training, where we became certified as Safe Zone Allies to support LGBT people and their rights as well as to actively fight and prevent LGBT harassment. This issue is close to my heart because I believe this is the civil rights battle of my generation and as a bisexual woman, I am lacking rights that heterosexuals have. I hope that by the time that I am ready to get married, to who ever it may be, that I will be able to marry them and raise a family with them, no matter what sex they are.

I hope that my followers have an amazing week and that they keep me in mind as I take my exams!

Holly

Hope

I am feeling much better than I did yesterday or even this past weekend. I believe that my infection is going away and by the end of the week I should all healed up! Next time Michael and I will use more protection.

Some other good news is that my dad is really making great strides in his therapy and AA meetings. I don't think that I have mentioned this before but my father went to rehab in Febuary for about two weeks and now he lives with my mother and step-father (I know that this is an odd trio, but they are all best of friends). My dad has been on leave from work for more than a month now and goes to therapy from 9-2 five days a week. I am really glad that he is getting help and that he is an environment where he will not be tempted. I am so proud of him for taking the steps to get help for his social phobia, childhood abuse, sexuality, and alcoholism. I know that it takes so much courage to admitt that you need help, to risk the respect and support of your family, to risk your job, to risk not seeing your children, etc. I couldn't be happier that he is making progress and getting the help he needs to be the father that I know he can be!

I wanted to thank my readers, I know that there aren't many of you, but many people have come forth and written to me about how they relate to me and my social anxiety. I am so glad that I am not alone in my feelings. It helps to know that there are other people who experienced the same thing that I am going through; I feel less isolated. Michael is actually doing a Behavioral Journal for his PE class, but instead of it being about him (because obviously he has no behaviors he needs to change) but rather about me. He is journaling my behaviors, mostly dealing with my anxiety, and inserting how he thinks that I can improve these behaviors.

I have mid-terms coming up this week and next, so I hope I do well on those. Wish me luck!

Holly

Elect Her, Even If She Has An Infection!

So as I mentioned in my last post, I have an anxiety disorder that keeps me from interacting with others. Well more than a month ago I was nominated to attend a leadership workshop for young women to teach them how to win campaigns. I decided that I would go since it was a good opportunity, though I am certainly not looking to run for an elected office...ever...at no point in my life.

Well the night before I was to attend the Elect Her workshop, I literally had a mental breakdown, where everything negative that could happen at the workshop was running through my mind. I was going to look horrible in my outfit, I was going to sit in the corner and look weird the whole time, I was going to be the only one not interested in running for a political office, etc. I cried and cried and after a "Put on your big girl panties" speech from Michael, I managed to remain collected throughout the night and during the workshop next day. I was still nervous and anxious, but for the most part, just as Michael said, I was fine and I didn't focus on me and my own crazy mind. I did so much better than I think I have ever done before in a social situation and I was truly pleased with myself. Speaking about being pleased, I am so glad that March weather is here! This evening I was able to get out and walk about five miles around campus, the track, and some surrounding neighborhoods. It feels so good to just walk to no specific place or no specific distance and just chat with Michael. We went through so many subjects of conversation from religion (Michael is a Mormon converted to paganism and I have a Methodist background) to baby showers to housing for next semester to how anal Michael is with his cleaning habits!

On a lighter and slightly more hilarious note, I discovered that Michael and I have been passing an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) back and forth between us. It was causing itching, burning, and some other far more unpleasant side effects. Fortunately, the infection is really common in women and most women get it at least once in their lives. So with a quick stop by the pharmacy I got some over the counter medication and Michael and I are in the healing process!

Holly

First Post: One of Many, I Presume

So here goes nothing...I am starting a blog for my sanity! I have been in college in some way or another for about 3 years now; however, this is my first year away from home, my first year living more than an hour away from my family, my first year of life as an adult. So far...I don't know how it could have turned out much worse.

During my first semester at UNCW, I was living in a ghetto neighborhood with a girlfriend of mine. There were cops and drug dealers, as well as machette-weilding neighbors and all in all it made for a pretty bad living area. Yet, this was honestly the least of my worries. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of two years and now I was on the rebound, looking to get some, but also looking for someone to cling to. I needed a friend or friends...other than my roommate. I found this friend in a 32 year old man named Michael. Michael is a student at UNCW also, though he has been marrried twice, has a 12 year old daughter he hasn't seen in more than 3 years, and is on academic probabtion. All of this aside, Michael was outgoing; he loves to talk to other people, is non-judgemental, and overall made me feel comfortable...not to mention he was rather attractive! So I began to hang out with him and we were inseparable friends for about a month. Naturally this progressed to a sexual relationship, despite my roommate's protests. At first I was unsure about our sexual relationship...was this what I really wanted, was he taking advantage of me, will I have STDs or even worse another boyfriend on my hands?!

It took more than a month of sexual adventures before I really could admit my feelings toward Michael and eventually we began to see each other exclusively. I think my roommate at this time was feeling betrayed, because I no longer spent time with her, outside of living with her, and Michael was always in our apartment (well my half of the apartment). Either way, she decided that she was going to be my mother and she insisted on preventing me from seeing Michael or hanging out with him. Of course, I had just recently escaped my motherly figure, and I wasn't looking for another one. So I began to spend more and more of my nights with over at Michael's apartment. Before I knew it my roommate had turned what few mutual aquaintances we had against me and by November of my first year away at UNCW, I was living with Michael.

Despite our ups and downs Michael and I get along well and we have been living together now for about four months. However, my main issue now, as it was before my first rough semester, is making friends while I am in college. This is suppose to be the best time of my life and I am suppose to meet my life-long friends here, or so everyone says; yet, I now cling to Michael like a barnacle on a bouy.

Of course, I have been struggling with making friends my whole life. I have never just been able to go up to new people and start talking...I would more often than not just stay in the corner and pray for the party to end. However, I find that this is really limiting me in my experience of the world and of life and I am hoping that with this blog, I will be able to get all of my thoughts out...all of my emotions, longings, ramblings, stories, worries, fears, anxieties, and excitements out. My blog will be my place to spill it, until I find a human with whom I can do that with! So cheers and bonvoyage...for the next few years while in college, this will be my place of meditation, solace, and general letting things out. I hope it doesn't hurt anyone too badly!

Holly