So here goes nothing...I am starting a blog for my sanity! I have been in college in some way or another for about 3 years now; however, this is my first year away from home, my first year living more than an hour away from my family, my first year of life as an adult. So far...I don't know how it could have turned out much worse.
During my first semester at UNCW, I was living in a ghetto neighborhood with a girlfriend of mine. There were cops and drug dealers, as well as machette-weilding neighbors and all in all it made for a pretty bad living area. Yet, this was honestly the least of my worries. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of two years and now I was on the rebound, looking to get some, but also looking for someone to cling to. I needed a friend or friends...other than my roommate. I found this friend in a 32 year old man named Michael. Michael is a student at UNCW also, though he has been marrried twice, has a 12 year old daughter he hasn't seen in more than 3 years, and is on academic probabtion. All of this aside, Michael was outgoing; he loves to talk to other people, is non-judgemental, and overall made me feel comfortable...not to mention he was rather attractive! So I began to hang out with him and we were inseparable friends for about a month. Naturally this progressed to a sexual relationship, despite my roommate's protests. At first I was unsure about our sexual relationship...was this what I really wanted, was he taking advantage of me, will I have STDs or even worse another boyfriend on my hands?!
It took more than a month of sexual adventures before I really could admit my feelings toward Michael and eventually we began to see each other exclusively. I think my roommate at this time was feeling betrayed, because I no longer spent time with her, outside of living with her, and Michael was always in our apartment (well my half of the apartment). Either way, she decided that she was going to be my mother and she insisted on preventing me from seeing Michael or hanging out with him. Of course, I had just recently escaped my motherly figure, and I wasn't looking for another one. So I began to spend more and more of my nights with over at Michael's apartment. Before I knew it my roommate had turned what few mutual aquaintances we had against me and by November of my first year away at UNCW, I was living with Michael.
Despite our ups and downs Michael and I get along well and we have been living together now for about four months. However, my main issue now, as it was before my first rough semester, is making friends while I am in college. This is suppose to be the best time of my life and I am suppose to meet my life-long friends here, or so everyone says; yet, I now cling to Michael like a barnacle on a bouy.
Of course, I have been struggling with making friends my whole life. I have never just been able to go up to new people and start talking...I would more often than not just stay in the corner and pray for the party to end. However, I find that this is really limiting me in my experience of the world and of life and I am hoping that with this blog, I will be able to get all of my thoughts out...all of my emotions, longings, ramblings, stories, worries, fears, anxieties, and excitements out. My blog will be my place to spill it, until I find a human with whom I can do that with! So cheers and bonvoyage...for the next few years while in college, this will be my place of meditation, solace, and general letting things out. I hope it doesn't hurt anyone too badly!
Holly
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